The Scoundrel and the Sheets
by Amara Z
Summary: Constantly irritated by Leia, Han decides it's time for a little revenge. Follow up to The Princess and the Pants.


**A/N: You didn't really think Han was going to let that incident with the pants slide, did you?****  
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* * *

Han knew this day would come, that not everything would be roses between him and Leia. One day one of them would push the other too far with one of their habits and they'd have no choice but to do something about it. He always figured Leia would be the one going off the deep end about something he did. He never expected it to be him and certainly not over something so stupid.

It was Leia and his sheets. More accurately, her constant misuse of his sheets that was driving him crazy. It didn't matter what trip they were on or the time of day, she treated the top sheet of his bunk like it was her own personal wrap and wandered all over the ship in it. He had bought her a robe in hopes of distracting her, a dark green shimmersilk number she looked stunning in. But it hung in his closet mostly unused. Even at night when they were in bed together, the sheets were not his own as Leia tried to take them all for herself, leaving him with nothing.

He had to admit it wasn't all that bad to have a mostly naked woman running around his ship. He was mildly curious at times to see where she'd turn up next in it. He had a particularly fond memory of finding her in the cockpit in nothing but the sheet. That had definitely proven to be interesting and fun for both of them.

He had tried to let it go. He really had. After all, it was just sheets. But when she came into the back hold only wearing the sheet last night to watch him work, it was the last straw. It was bad enough he had already found some holes and threadbare patches in it. Who knew what it could snag on or the amount of dirt it could pick up back there?

And then there was that whole pants thing a few weeks ago. The thought of that fiasco still stung his Corellian pride. He still owed her for it.

So, there was little regret in him as he stood in front of the engineering console, his hand hovering below one of the switches. Very little regret at all. He smiled to himself as his hand started to move up. _Payback sucks, Princess._

* * *

Leia woke with a start. It was hard to miss the alarm blaring throughout the ship or mistake what it was. Han had been working on the _Falcon_ last night and she had joined him after her day was over. It was late when he had finished and they had been so tired, neither of them had felt like going all the way back into Coruscant and chose to sleep on the ship instead. But now she was fully awake and fully alarmed and covering her ears to muffle some of the assault. What in the blazes? Concerned, she looked around briefly for her clothes but didn't see them. Deciding safety was probably more important than modesty, she wrapped herself in the top sheet of the bunk and flew to the hatch, palming it open as quickly as she could.

Her feet carried her swiftly through the ring corridor towards the main hold. Suddenly, the alarm stopped, leaving her in deafening silence, her footfalls echoing against the deck like hammers on an anvil. In hindsight, she probably should have stopped and not worried about the alarm, but she couldn't help herself. As soon as she reached the hold, she screeched to a halt and realized she had a bigger issue on her hands – a hold full of males – Han, Lando, Chewie, and Luke – and every one of them turning to look at her.

She didn't need to see the shocked expressions on their faces to know how she must have appeared to them. Clad in only a light colored bedsheet and her hair running loose, it was certainly not how one would expect the Minister of State to present herself. Everyone, that was, except for Han. He was definitely used to seeing her this way and if anything he seemed to be trying to hide an amused smile.

Lando was the first to react with something other than surprise, his eyes running up and down her appreciatively. A wide, lascivious grin spread across his face. "Wow, Leia. If you're trying out a new look, I heartily approve."

"I'm hardly trying out a new look, Lando," she shot back. A little flustered and more self-conscious, she was fairly confident the important parts were covered, but pulled the sheet more tightly around her just the same.

"Really, sweetheart," Han chimed in. "You should dress better than that if we have company."

Leia glared at him. "I didn't realize we had company and I thought there was something wrong."

His eyebrows raised as if he found her comment laughable. "Why would there be if we're docked?"

"I heard the master alarm. I thought maybe your infernal ship was finally falling down around us."

"Oh, that. Nope. Nothing wrong with the old girl," Han replied as he casually leaned a hip against the engineering console. "Must have hit a switch by accident."

That had Leia's eyes narrowing at Han and Luke's head snapping in his direction. Stuff broke all of the time on the _Falcon_, but Han knew the ship like the back of his hand. If something was triggered, he did it on purpose.

This was definitely getting weirder by the minute. Going out on a limb, she decided to ask the question that might settle her growing suspicion. "I don't suppose you know where my clothes are?"

Han just smiled, that slow, infuriating smile he often used to appear less guilty than he really was. "They're by the table right where you left them."

Leia started to sputter, her face flushing red in an instant. "You set me up!"

Before she could continue, Luke let out a groan that had everyone turning towards him. He wiped a hand across his face in exasperation. "Come on, guys. Not again. Can't you keep track of your own clothes?" With a sigh, he moved to stand next to Leia and put a hand on her shoulder. "I love you, Leia. Both of you really," he said glancing over his shoulder at Han. "But do me a favor. Seriously. Don't invite me over this early again." With that, he headed towards the corridor and the boarding ramp.

Intensely curious and not about to linger with a fight brewing, Lando trailed after Luke. "What do you mean again? This has happened before? And I missed it?"

Luke paused to wait for his friend and clapped him on the back. "Let's get some caf and I'll tell you all about it. You're not going to believe it," he said with a shake of his head.

Glowering, Han stared after them, his face setting into a grimace. "Luke, I meant it. You better not say anything!" He moved to go after his friends, but he drew up short when a certain irate Alderaanian princess stepped into his path.

"You have bigger things to deal with than what Luke says, Solo," she said darkly while jabbing a finger into his chest.

Han promptly started backing away, a crooked smile coming to his face in hopes of disarming her. "Come on, Leia, sweetheart. No need to get upset."

Leia stalked after him and he kept scrambling backwards until he had the chair at the engineering station between them. He chuckled nervously and gripping the back of the chair, shot a look at his co-pilot who was watching the proceedings with interest. "Hey, Chewie, a little help, buddy?"

Chewie let out a barking laugh and shook his head. [Sorry, Solo. Life debts don't include angry girlfriends.] Still woofing with laughter, he strolled out of the hold, leaving Han to his own devices to get out of this scrape.

"Yeah, I'll remember next time Malla's mad at you," he shouted at the Wookiee's retreating back. When he looked back at Leia, she was scowling and he put on his best innocent face. "What?"

"Do you care to explain yourself?" Leia asked, cocking a hip to one side.

He shrugged. "I told you it was an accident. I was showing the guys some of the modifications I made and must have hit a switch by mistake."

"And I'm supposed to believe that?"

"It's not that big of a deal, Leia. It was just our friends and I don't think anyone thought anything of it." Less concerned about her reaction, he moved from behind the chair, a hard edge coming to his eyes as he approached her. "You seemed to think it was awfully damn funny when it happened to me."

Leia paused, her head tilting as she stared at him. "I thought you forgave me for that."

Han rocked back on his heels and purposely avoided her eyes. "Yeah, well…some things a guy can't forget."

Leia sniffed lightly, essentially telling him what she thought of that excuse. Shaking her head, she stalked to the table, spotted her clothes underneath the lip, and snatched them from the far side of the acceleration couch.

"So what were you doing with my clothes, Han?" she asked as she moved to stand in front of him again. "Trying them on for size?"

Han snorted and reached out to lightly finger the blouse she held in her arms. "Oh, yeah. You know I've been dying to find something in pink shimmersilk."

Leaning over her, he cocked an eyebrow, ready to go on the attack. "I don't see what you're getting so worked up about anyway. It's not like any of this is my fault."

Leia's mouth fell open in disbelief. "How is this _not_ your fault?"

Han smirked. "I'm not the one running around the ship half naked, sweetheart. Well, at least not with a reputation I give a damn about."

Leia simply stared at him for a moment. "What are you talking about?"

"Can't you find something else to wear besides my sheet?" he asked quietly as he turned away, shifting so he stood next to the console chair.

"Is that what this is about?"

There was a long moment before he responded. "You traipse around the ship in it without thinking about it, tearing it up in the process. You don't even wear the robe I bought you. In the meantime, my sheets are being ruined," he muttered.

Leia approached quietly and laid a hand on his arm. "Han, if that's what's concerning you, it's not that big of a deal. I can buy you new ones."

"But those are my favorites," he shouted as he spun to face her.

Leia stepped back, blinking at him as the words sunk in. "Favorite sheets? You have favorite sheets?"

"Yes, I have favorite sheets. So what? I love those sheets. I've had them forever. Forever, Leia," he replied, dragging out the words as if she might misunderstand them. He advanced on her and the expression on his face was enough to push her a couple more steps back. "Those are the sheets you used on the way to Yavin. I've had them that long. I've gotten them broken in exactly how I like them and you run around in them like it doesn't matter!"

Leia didn't reply immediately. She took a deep breath instead, not only to summon the fortitude she needed, but to fight the anger welling within her. "Next time you have a problem with me, Han, tell me. Otherwise, I won't be held accountable for what I might do." Taking one last step away, she gave him an icy glare that would rival any of those she gave him during their courtship.

"In the meantime, far be it for me to keep you from your sheets." Han's mouth dropped open as she gave the sheet a tug and it fell to the floor leaving Leia totally naked. She kicked at the sheet dismissively, pushing so it sat directly at his feet, before spinning away.

As she hit the edge of the hold, she turned back to face him and smiled haughtily. "And by the way, Captain, you may want to take a good look," she told him as she gestured down her body with one hand. "Because it may be a while before you get to see this again." Leia stormed off in the direction of the bunkroom leaving Han standing there dumbfounded and seriously hoping that Chewie had made himself scarce so he wouldn't get a complete eyeful.

* * *

It'd been four days since he'd last seen or heard from Leia. Four days of speculating how far he had put his foot into it this time. How much he was going to have to make it up to her when he saw her again. If he saw her again. At one point he hadn't been so sure. Nothing had worked. All of his calls had gone unreturned. All inquiries at her office had been rebuffed. He had even sent Chewie over with a peace offering – a bouquet of lilies he knew she loved. But to no avail and the silence stretched into one day after another.

Until today. She had finally called him. Finally. And thankfully hadn't sounded quite as angry as she had the other day. He figured he must be dreaming when she offered to meet him at the _Falcon_ later. Any guy would be excited in his shoes and it was hard for him to keep the spring out of his step or follow a normal pace.

But as he reached the _Falcon_, he realized she was just like he had left her this morning – closed up and looking rather unoccupied. He ascended the ramp and hesitated at the controls before deciding to leave the ramp down for Leia. He'd much rather have her feel welcome. He made a quick trip around the ship just in case, but when he reached the crew quarters and still no Leia, his mood slipped even further. His eyes roamed the bunkroom as his thoughts drifted to where his errant princess might be.

Letting out a sigh, he figured the bunkroom was probably clean enough for Leia, but after a long day working on the _Falcon_ and then doing drills with the Rogues, he probably wasn't. A little more pleased that he had something to occupy his time, he grabbed a pair of soft pants from a cabinet and with one last look around, headed into the refresher. Hopefully by the time he was done, Leia would be there.

Han emerged some time later, much happier and cleaner, and rubbing his hair dry with a towel. Distracted by thoughts of more modifications he could make to the _Falcon_, it took him a moment before he glanced around the room. He immediately stopped in his tracks.

His sheets were gone. The sheets he had for so long – gone.

In their place were new sheets, crisp and sharp, and folded perfectly over the bed. Instead of the off white he was so used to, these were a sickening neon pink, a color reminiscent of the drinks Leia often favored. At the foot of the bunk sat a stack of more sheets, each in a floral pattern more garish than the next. He let out a long breath. There was only one person he knew who would have done such a thing – Leia. Striding over to the bed, he picked up the note sitting next to the stack of sheets.

_Sorry about the sheets. Consider them officially retired. Replacements are on the bunk. Hope you like the color. I also took the liberty of storing my robe in a location more accessible from the bunk. - L_

He toed the drawer under the bunk open and sure enough, her robe was there, neatly folded and waiting for her to use. He looked up to read the last line on the flimsy.

_P.S. I'm somewhere on the ship wearing not much more than a smile on my face. If you can find me (and you play your cards right), maybe we can break in the new sheets together._

Han laughed. He probably wasn't going to get a much better deal than that. Certainly not after what he pulled. He didn't hesitate. It took all of two seconds for him to dump the sheets into the drawer, kick it shut, and discard the towel and flimsy on the spare bunk. Smiling, he ran his fingers through his hair and set off to find her and see what she wore when not wearing his sheets.


End file.
